Years ago–I mean, years ago, before I was ever a Life Coach, even–I had this idea that I wanted to do retreats or workshops. I wanted them to be some kind of mix of Sabrina Ward Harrison creative abandon meets my amalgamated study of being present, the insights I’d gained from books, etc. I wanted to do this before I’d ever counseled a single person, before I’d ever had any training. I had this strong sense that I would gain as much from the workshop experience as any participant. I craved community.
And I was not at all brave enough to give it a try.
I knew that I had something to offer, but was afraid to step into that space because it felt too big. All of these awful Inner Critic voices would pop up, telling me that I was too young, too inexperienced. Too lacking in so many ways. Who was I to try and help someone else? After all, the voices reminded me, I did not have it all figured out.
To be fair, some of those voices were right. I was young, I was inexperienced.
But the voice that was most wrong was the one that told me that I should wait to act until I had it all figured out, somehow.
One of the first things I learned when I began counseling training/Life Coach training was that the ability to hold space–not have all of the answers–was actually the most critical part of helping someone. It made sense once I thought about it. Deep inside, don’t we all kind of know already what it is that we are “supposed” to do?
We’re overweight? Exercise and eat better. We’re disorganized? Put the time into organizing everything and then set up a schedule for maintaining it. We’re unhappy with our jobs? Try out new things until we find the area that we are passionate about.
We all “know” what to do. I don’t think people go to counselors, Life Coaches, workshops, read self-help books, see psychiatrists, etc., because they don’t “know” what to do. We see these people because we want support and added insight and most of all because we want some help holding that space. No one outside of us has all of the answers.
As the years went by, I’d see other people offering creative workshops, none quite like what I wanted to offer, but workshops nonetheless. And I would feel so jealous. “Darn, they beat me to it!” I’d think, with Ego leading the way, wanting to be the first one in line.
But I always knew that the underbelly of that jealousy was really a creative impulse that wanted to live; I could either hang out in a space of being jealous or I could see others’ successes as proof that it could actually be done.
By far, the hardest part of pulling together this website has been thinking about the workshops that I’d like to lead. While I was in Italy this past summer, again and again something tugged at me, telling me that in fact I was ready to inhabit that space. In fact, stepping into that space would be a big dream becoming realized. I would in fact run the workshops I had always wanted to run–creativity, travel, going deep, doing inner and outer work–and this time, thousands of hours of counseling/coaching experience later, I have something to back up what I want to do.
I’ve been finalizing plans for my San Francisco workshops–dates, times, locations–and finally feel I’m ready to put things into motion. It is scary and exhilarating to be talking to people about renting space. That’s the part that makes this all real, and not just a dream! Even if I feel fear rise up, even if there is the possibility of not succeeding in some way, it would not feel right to step back at this juncture.
Courage is: feeling the fear, doing it anyway.
Today, I choose courage!
